You know those guys on Twitter and Facebook who have 500 hot women friends or followers? I’m not referring to Ashton Kutcher, I’m talking about random dudes who have a long contact list of naughty looking women. Who are those guys? Probably one of the guys who asked Tiffany Michelle for a date on MySpace.
There are many How To’s for social media but I haven’t seen one for stalking women with a better update status. Here’s a how to improve your social media stalker updates.
Dear Hot Chick Befriender,
I don’t necessarily agree with your MO, therefore, here’s my unprofessional advice on How To Be Kind of Cool on Social Media. If you’re going to befriend 5000 sexy women then you should update appropriately. The following Top-Ten status updates should always be followed with “Just Kidding” and, more importantly, an exclamation point:
- “Today I tried stalking Natalie Portman at the mall but I couldn’t find her. Just Kidding!”
- “Back when I dated Angelina Jolie, I convinced her not to get lip reduction surgery. Brad Pitt should be thanking me.”
- “Just hooked up with Pamela Anderson on Twitter because I like her breasts.”
- “Going to the Playboy Mansion again. The Grotto is really getting old.”
- “Just finished training Jen Aniston, now on to Penelope Cruz for an hour of lunges.”
- “Britney Spears and I chew the same kind of gum.”
- “I think Lindsay Lohan hacked my Twitter account.”
- “If you need a photographer, I’m the man. I just bought the iPhone 4 and the camera rocks!”
- “@Emmanuelle Chriqui sorry I missed you at dinner, I was at home watching True Blood.”
- “I’m not a stalker but I play one on Social Media.”
Update: Guys in relationships who don’t want anyone to know they’re following 5000 hot chicks should get a new hobby. I suggest spending more time trying to catch flies with a set of chopsticks because you’re out of honey, honey.