Mud Flap Girl Freeway Beauty Queen

A few weeks ago, my son noticed some 18-Wheeler bling.  Above the blaring Black Eye Peas, he shouted “Mommy, look at that lady on that truck!”  I didn’t need to look at the lady he spied.  But I did.  How could I not look?  How do you miss those rare opportunities to see the Mud-Flap-Girl on an actual 18-Wheeler mud-flap?

I glanced over and there,  covered in exhaust, grease and grime, was the ageless Freeway Beauty Queen…. the Mud-Flap-Girl.   “Yes, that’s the Mud-Flap-Girl.  She’s been around a long time.” Naturally, that led to 50 questions, which led to Google and…to this great updated MFG pic below.

So, in honor of the Mud-Flap-Girl going PC (possibly Mac), I’ve put her up as my Facebook Profile Pic.

It’s True… I Heart Robert Goulet

Sure, I wear Misfits shirts and I’m no stranger to Gwar, Pantera, 20 Metallica shows and saw Marilyn Manson in like 93 when he was just beginning to manipulate sheepish teenagers into spending their allowance on his high maintenance make-up habit… but for the New Year… I’m coming out of the closet and getting honest.

My love for Hip-Hop, Punk and Metal is really an act to cover up my true love of Robert Goulet. If you want a piece of my heart…. let’s start from the start and watch the following show…. Robert Goulet sings Loverboy’s “Working for the Weekend” on  Conan O’Brian. Amazingly, Goulet has aged really well and looks like SNL’s Will Ferrell.  Which is just crazy.

Just for the record… I often tell people I’m working for the weekend and rarely does anyone get it. But that’s OK because I’m really selfish and only interested in entertaining myself.

Did I just say that out loud? No, I typed it, totally different.

Dark Side On Halloween

I have wanted to be Darth Vader for Halloween forever. It’s hard for us women to find a cool costume because most costumes make us look like prostitutes. Which is why I call Halloween… National Hooker Day. Yeh, I know…the French Maid costume from two years ago was an experiment and went with my husband’s Marquis de Sade.

Anyway, I won’t be wearing my usual banana or cow costume for Halloween this year. My son and I are both going to be… Darth Vader. However, I might smack the next person who asks “Why don’t you want to be the good guy?” Seriously, don’t ask this question unless you want people to think you’re the last surviving member of society who has not seen Star Wars. Or you want to spend 30 minutes talking to a Star Wars fan tonight. Anakin was good but he was manipulated into the Dark Side by a smooth talker. He grew angry and dark as Darth Vader because he lost his wife and kids. Anyone see that part? No? Then let me ruin the ending…in the end… Vader overcomes his obstacles, saves Luke, defeats the Empire by sacrificing his own life then hangs out with Obi-Wan and Yoda for eternity. Geeze, how do people ignore something so significant?

Anyway, as for covering up tonight… it’s cold outside. And what women doesn’t already wear this once a week anyway?

You can buy this Princess Leia Slave costume on the StarWars site.

MAY YOUR YEAR BE FRUITFUL

HALLOWEEN – NOT JUST FOR HOOKERS ANYMORE

Every Halloween my true oppositional personality comes out when I refuse to dress like a whore (see #7). Five minutes before we head out I grab one of our three costumes stored in my closet…the cow, the bumble bee or the big banana. It’s great because these costumes help me stand out in the crowd when I’m up against the night of the living sluts.  Without diving deep into my conscious lets assume I do this for one of three reasons:

1. I want to be different

2. I need a break from the hooker costumes that I wear for my husband four nights a week.

3. I want to be comfortable.

Yet…