America, We Have a Ginormous Problem

Dear America,

Sorry to bother you, we know you’re busy finding political fault, debating policy while defending your belief but we must warn you…something terrible has happened.  While everyone was busy pointing fingers and demanding help for the 10k they spent on electronics…America became a credit card trillionaire and wrecked it’s leased car.  No worries, we imported a ginormous supply of duck tape from ______ which is holding the back bumper together. The bad news, ______ is charging a high interest rate, the tape hasn’t been tested for lead-based-paint and according to rumors, the car isn’t even American made.

While working on the bumper, we’ll also be replacing the glass from whoever threw those bricks through the windows.  It’s ok, you have the right to be angry when you don’t get your way. But, to pay for the new glass, we’re going to have to tax you for expenses.  Wait,  not all of you, just the one’s who work all the time.  We’re pretty sure those who will be taxed for the repairs weren’t even there when it happened so, we’ll pay some people to fill them in on the details.  We know some of them work two jobs or an 80 hour work week so they should definitely be able to afford the damage.

You may now return to your reality tv show or laptop download.  We recommend you don’t watch the mockumentary “COMMON CENTS AND  SENSIBILITY” or “AMERICA, WE HAVE A PROBLEM AND IT’S YOU.”  However, we hear there’s a new show called “OBAMA: COURAGE + LEADERSHIP SKILLS WITHOUT  JACKASS KISSING.”   Obama’s character is played by The Rock.

Thank you and have a nice day,

Political party free since barely legal and counting…